Final Fantasy X The Big Parody
by Amanda dragon
Summary: A parody of the whole game! What happens if Tidus is as thick as mince and cries all the time? What also happens if the stage manager is confuzzled? DISASTER! And the other characters? Just wait and see... on hold till october
1. The Bad Beginning

Amanda dragon- YAY!! Final fantasy!! I've not actually completed the game yet, I am still on Mount Gagazet (?)... I've only had it for three weeks!! I am very sorry to Tidus fans who love him to pieces. I am also sorry if I offend any fans of the other characters!! I just couldn't resist making fun of him. I know that this may be crap, it will get better!!! I don't know the order of events so everything may be muddled up.

Chapter 1- The Bad Beginning

Tidus sat in front of his mirror staring at his reflection. His eyes were red and puffy because his neighbour had stole the blitzball that he had accidentally kicked through the window. It was the best one he had. He began to evilly devise a plan to get it back. He was about to get some dynamite until he could hear his fans screaming outside. It made him realise that he had a game to play. He recalled that last time he had forgot how to get into the watery ball thing and the firemen had to come in with a long ladder to get him in. That didn't work and the embarrassing thing was that the way in was underneath the ball. Instead of going in, he cried like a baby and locked himself in the bathroom. His team lost. Badly. He had become the worst Blitzball player in the world in one year. He wrestled with the memories until they were out of his mind. He took deep breaths and reluctantly walked outside. Two old ladies were standing in front of his door, waving a small flag. He burst into tears and ran past them. A strange child appeared out of thin air and followed him.

He dashed down the street and a man wearing a dress barged in front of him.

"SIGN MY BLITZBALL!!!!" He screamed. Tidus grinned and wrote 'penguin boy' on the ball. "THANKYOU PENGUINBOY!!"

Tidus ran into the stadium. He got comfy in the pool of water while several of the opposing team's members walked by and laughed at him. He was wearing ancient dungarees and did look like a freak of nature in his clothing. He soon fell asleep.

Meanwhile...

A strange man in a red coat (Auron if you didn't know) was dragging along a 5 pint bottle of vodka on top of a building. A huge wave was heading his way. He looked at the monster and drained his bottle. He then lost his balance and fell off the building.

Back to Tidus...

He suddenly woke up as a blitzball hit him on the head. "Wake up wacko!!" One of his team mates shouted. Tidus slowly got up and dried himself with a towel.

"HO WACKO!! We are going to get drenched in a minute so why do you dry yourself?" Another team mate said.

"To retain my beautiful hairstyle!" Tidus said. Everyone backed away.

"The game's about to start!!" A team mate said. Everyone walked out. "Remember, the entrance is UNDERNEATH the ball."

Eventually, everyone was inside the watery ball and the game was about to start.

"Ok everyone!! This game should be exciting!!! 3...2...1...G-" the commentator began, but was cut off by Tidus.

"I NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!!!!" He screamed (don't ask me how they can talk underwater).

"WAIT UNTIL THE BREAK IN THE MIDDLE YOU PRAT!!" the commentator yelled down the microphone. With that, Tidus burst into tears and began to exit the stadium. He then spotted a massive wave coming. Several large beams came out of the wave and blew up buildings. One came right towards him.

Back to the drunken Auron...

"I am never going to touch another drop of vodka again..." Auron muttered to himself while rubbing the big bruise on his head. "And where is that stupid boy I was supposed to find?!!" Just then, Tidus came flying out of the sky and landed right in front of him. "Thank Yevon!!" Auron praised. He then realised that Tidus wasn't going to wake up. "Yevon!! Sin!! You better make him wake up or I'll..." Auron began but was interrupted by Tidus waking up. Tidus looked at Auron and burst into tears. Auron backed away and walked off, pretending that he hadn't done anything. _Why am I stuck with this freak? _He thought.

"Hey!! Wait!!" Tidus cried while applying hair gel onto his mop. He ran after him. All the people of Zanarkand were sitting on deck chairs, under umbrellas and drinking cold drinks for no apparent reason. They couldn't care less about the big ball of watery gloop floating in the air, blowing up everything. As Tidus was running along, a small boy wearing strange clothes kind of froze time. Everyone drinking cold drinks was frozen in mid-slurp. "Hey!! What are you doing!? Does this time freezy thingy ruin my hair? If it does, I am suing you." Tidus shouted. The boy vanished and everyone continued to drink. Tidus shrugged his shoulders and ran up the road. He met up with Auron who was drinking another 5 pint bottle of vodka.

"You said that you wouldn't touch another drop of vodka." Tidus said smugly.

"Eh? Did I? How do –hic- you know? You where –hic- sleeping."

"Was I? Well that's just...... OH SHIT!!! THERE IS A MASSIVE MONSTER COMING UP BEHIND YOU!!!" Tidus screamed while curling up into a little ball and crying. Auron turned around and there was a squid thing flying through the air. It apparently had lost its bearings and ended up jammed into the floor in front of him.

"Hey!! That's not supposed to come until after we kill some bug things!! It says so in the script!!" Auron shouted to the crew.

"Uh... Let's just forget about that bit. Or do you want to fight all of the bugs?" The stage manager asked.

"NO!! TIDUS!! GET OVER HERE THIS INSTANT!! HELP ME KILL THESE SINSPAWN OR I AM FIRING YOU!!" Auron screamed.

"You can't fire him!! He's the main character!!" The stage manager screamed.

"SHUT IT!! I CAN DO WHAT I WANT TO DO!! TIDUS!!" He shouted as the stage manager summoned Valefor and flew off. Tidus came creeping over to him while wiping the tears out of his eyes. _Why can't I be with a braver person? Why me!!? _Auron thought. As if answering his prayers, Sin hovered over to them and started sucking.

"HELP!! A KILLER VACUME CLEANER!!" Tidus screamed.

"Hmm... WHAT ABOUT THE BRIDGE BLOWING UP!!" Auron screamed, looking at the script.

"Uh... We'll put that in... Hey!! Wait a minute!! You are supposed to kill the squid and then the bridge blows up!! READ THE SCRIPT!!" The stage manager screamed, hovering next to them on his Valefor.

"Ok!"

"No!! DON'T LET THEM LET US DO IT!! IT'S TOO SCARY!!" Tidus cried. Auron looked over at the non-scary monster. He looked back at Tidus who was crying his eyes out again. He sighed and walked over to the squid. He hit it with his sword and it fell off the edge.

"That wasn't in the script..." Auron groaned. He looked over to Tidus who was hitting the explosive truck thing. "NO TIDUS!! STOP!!" He yelled. Too late. The truck blew up and sent everyone flying and caused the road to snap in half. Tidus was clinging onto the edge for dear life itself.

"AURON!! HELP!!" Tidus screamed. Auron looked at the patiently waiting Sin hovering above them.

"This is your story. Not mine." Auron said. They were both sucked into Sin.

Amanda dragon- Was that crap or what. Please review!! No flames!! Please?


	2. Tidus's Secret 'Power'

Amanda dragon- YAY!! REVEIWS!! THANK YOU ALL!! I FEEL PROUD!! SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIKE IT!! YAY!! The events probably are muddled up thanks to a crazy stage manager. AND I CAN'T BELIVE I LEFT OUT THE DISCLAIMER!!

Disclaimer- I was feeling neglected... Squaresoft own all the characters and other stuff. I want to own them, but I can't. Also, I DO NOT OWN BAKED BEANS!! I own the stage manager!! That is all.

Chapter two- Tidus's Secret Power

Tidus woke up. He was in a room with Auron, who was yet again, drinking more vodka. "We lost the match." He said.

"I can see that!" Tidus snapped, on the verge of tears. Auron walked off. Tidus began to wonder if this was one of the stage manager's mix ups. The strange little boy walked up to him.

"You cried." He said.

"I very well did not!!" Tidus cried while, surprise surprise, crying. Then everything went black.

He woke up and he was floating in the air. "Something is seriously wrong with that stage manager. That scene wasn't supposed to come in until later on. It says so in the script!" Tidus said to no one in particular. He then spotted a boy standing on a platform. He made sure that his hair was perfect before swimming (?) up to the little boy. Everything went black again.

When he awoke, he was standing on a pier. His mom was standing in front of him, almost exploding with joy. "HE'S DEAD!! YAY!! LET'S HAVE A CELEBRATION!!" She yelled.

"He's dead... I love him!!" Tidus cried. Yet again, everything went black.

Tidus awoke on a rock. He was all alone in the darkness. He looked at a bird that was sitting on a rock, reading a book.

"Birdie? Can you tell me where I am?" He asked. The bird quickly packed away and flew off. "AURON!! STAGE MANAGER!! COME OVER HERE!! I DON'T LIKE THIS SCENE!!" He screamed. After getting no reply he began to feel neglected. "I sure need Auron's help right now..."

Far, far away in the distance Auron was running across a high ledge. "FREEDOM!!" He screamed before diving into the water.

Tidus was now looking for anything helpful. He spotted a temple in the distance. He decided that he would swim over to it as he had nothing else to do. He was about to dive into the water until he realised that he didn't have a weapon. He cursed the stage manager for forgetting to put the sword bit in. "I HATE YOU STAGE MANAGER!! IT SAYS IN THE SCRIPT THAT I GET A SWORD!!" Tidus cursed while frantically reading the soggy script. A bird then flew into him and grabbed the script then flew away.

"Bad birdie!! Give me the script!!" He yelled while jumping into the water, trying to catch the bird. He climbed up onto a ledge and ran across a narrow pathway. A blue sphere was in front of him. Tidus was confuzzled. He touched it and it suddenly screamed "SAVE!!"

Tidus leapt ten feet into the air before crying his eyes out again. He slowly backed away from the sphere thing and walked up a very narrow pathway. A couple of birds flew up to him and started attacking him. He fell into the water. He looked into the water and saw a few green shapes darting around. "STAGE MANAGER!! GIVE ME A WEAPON!! PLEASE!! IT DIDN'T SAY THAT I WAS KILLED OFF IN THE SCRIPT!! Heck, it didn't even say that I would fall off that bridgeor even be here!" Tidus shouted to no one. The green things jumped out of the water. Tidus went under the surface to escape from them. He saw flashing lights swirling around in the water. One of the green frog things jumped at him. Tidus closed his eyes and blindly slapped it away. Funnily enough, it hit one of them and it mysteriously died.

On a ledge far, far away, Auron and the stage manager were sitting on deckchairs watching everything through a telescope. "Cracking good show!" Auron said while watching Tidus get bitten and cry.

"I agree!!" The stage manager agreed while observing the big, tortoise thing come and scare the shit out of Tidus.

Back to the terrified cry-baby...

The tortoise thing lunged at Tidus. Tidus swam away. He was doggy-paddling to an entrance to a temple. The tortoise thing swum circles around him. Luckily for Tidus, he had just had baked beans for dinner and everyone knows what baked beans are good at... FARTS!! Tidus let rip the mother of all farts underwater and zoomed inside the entrance. The tortoise swam away from the nasty smell.

Far, far away Auron and the stage manager were trying to figure out what the putrid smell was. "Auron, was that you?!" The stage manager asked.

"Blaming me!? Shameful... IT WAS YOU!!" Auron screamed back, very drunk after drinking far too much vodka.

Tidus climbed out of the water. He was freezing. He waddled up the stairs into a freezing cold room. He noticed a small batch of twigs in the centre. He stood over them. He wondered how they were going to help him make a fire. He could run upstairs to get some flint but he couldn't be bothered. He suddenly remembered the lighter he had in his pocket that he used to try and set his neighbour's house on fire. It had failed miserably. He tried to set the twigs on fire but they were too wet. He needed a powerful gust of fire. A strange idea popped into Tidus's head. He paused for a minute and held the lighter in front of his ass. As he drew energy for his hidden power, he lit the lighter and let it rip. A wall of flame spurted out and set the twigs on fire. After warming himself up, he got comfy and went to sleep.

Amanda dragon- That was unusual... Next chapter might be up tomorrow!! Anyway, please review!!! Please?


	3. The Misadventures of Tidus

Amanda dragon- Well, seeming that reviews suddenly come in, I have to continue!! Thank you everyone!! I can't write in the names of everyone who reveiwed because I think that you'd all rather see more story!! I will only put in a few of the dreams because my memory card has two main files and I don't want to keep starting the game again. I don't own Final fantasy x and Mickey mouse.

Chapter 3- The Misadventures of Tidus

Tidus woke himself up by a particularly loud snore. He looked at one of the funny looking statues and saw a purple thing moving across it. He ignored it and started to play with the lighter. He accidentally set his shorts on fire. As his feeble attempts to put it out failed, he noticed that the tiny fire in the twigs was flickering. He then realised that the small fire was going to die on him. "NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! DON'T GO OUT ON ME!! I RAISED YOU UP TO BE A GOOD FLAME!! PLEASE LIVE!!!" He screamed at the fire (as if it could here him). He frantically tried to cover it up for some strange reason and ended up putting it out. He burst into tears. Tidus then had a smart idea, for his brain capacity, it was smart to him and him only. He took of his dungaree pants that were burning and dumped them on the pile of twigs. They set alight. Tidus was now left in his boxer shorts and was hoping that no one would walk in. He sat down and watched his pants slowly burn to a crisp, unaware that a big monster was sneaking up on him...

After Tidus was warmed up, he looked around the room for anything that could cover up his nakedness. There was one of those horrible blue spheres in the corner. He gave it an evil glare and walked up to it. He was about to slap it until it screamed "SAVE!!" Tidus got a fright and cried (again!). As he was getting up he turned around and saw the monstrosity behind him.

"NOOOOOOOO!! DON'T EAT ME!! EAT THE SPHERE!!! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!!" Tidus cried as the monster walked up to him. He huddled in the corner and cried as the monster advanced. Suddenly the door blew open. A strange looking girl with Mickey Mouse ears sticking out of her head walked in. She was followed by strange looking people, also wearing Mickey Mouse ears. "RUN AWAY!! THERE IS A MONSTER!! GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!" Tidus yelled at them. They began to walk out. "NO! WAIT!! I WAS ONLY KIDDING!!" They stood by the door, refusing to move. "NO!!" He screamed as the monster lunged at him. His beans returned for their final stand and let rip a fart that made earthquakes and moved mountains. It then... uh... died, from the terrible stench. It fell to the floor and started twitching. The freakish looking people had evacuated because, the temple was crumbling in on itself.

"HEY!! Wait for me!" He screamed. Then the strange lady walked back in.

"Sjiowejklsadgfj gidsg gir giregn gisfd gbisdh hitrho fvjhpdf nbd!!" She yelled, which to Tidus, was a lot of gobbledygook. She apparently hadn't noticed that Tidus was in his undies...

"What?"

"Sjiowejklsadgfj gidsg gir giregn gisfd gbisdh hitrho fvjhpdf nbd!!" She screamed and whacked Tidus round the head. He fell to the ground....... Dead. NO!! Only kidding, I wouldn't kill him off... would I?

Tidus awoke on a boat he rubbed his head and got up. The people in strange clothes walked up to him. One of them pulled of his massive goggles. He started talking Viking and grunting, pointing at his goggles and waving them about. "WHAT THE HELL!?! YOU WANT ME TO GET INSIDE THE GOGGLES!!?" Tidus screamed. The man started grunting and jumping about. "You want me to turn into a pigeon?" Tidus asked. This was going to be one looooong day...

3 hours later...

Four of the funny looking people were having a tea party while the man was still talking caveman/Viking. "AH!! I GET IT NOW!! YOU WANT ME TO BE A SUMBARINE!!" Tidus screamed.

"He wants you to come and turn the temple on that is underwater." The girl said.

"HELL NO!! I WANNA GO HOME!! I DIDN'T FEED MY FISH!!" Tidus cried with a waterfall of tears cascading down his face.

"But first I need to give you the sphere grid explanation!" She said. She then began her very long explanation.

Tidus' eyes were slowly drooping down as the girl talked about spheres. He was just drifting off until the girl whacked him with a ruler. Tidus cried and curled up into a ball. "I AM DYING!! THE BELL IS TOLLING TOO EARLY FOR ME!! GET THE DOCTOR!!" He screamed.

"PAY ATTENTION!!" She snapped. Tidus sat up and started whimpering. She then continued talking.

5 hours, 23 minutes and 15 seconds later...

"That concludes the sphere grid." She finished. Tidus yelled in happiness and walked away. One of the guys looked lonely, so he walked over and began to talk to him. The man grunted.

"Huh?" Tidus said. The man suddenly sat up and began the looooooooong talk about the sphere grid.

5 hours, 42 minutes and 19 seconds later...

Tidus was trying to stay awake and wasn't taking in any of the stuff. He walked over to the girl, thinking that a conversation about anything except the sphere grid would snap him out of his boredom. "Hi! Come underwater with us!!" She said.

"NO WAY!! DO IT YOURSELF!!!" He yelled.

"Have it your way." She simply said and dived into the water. Tidus was now getting cold as the breeze lashed at his boxer shorts. Then the girl walked back up to him. "When did you get here!!!? You went into the water!!" Tidus yelled.

"OH!! That was my twin sister, Mikku! I am Rikku!!"

"That is a lame excuse. But anyway, my name is Ti-"

"QUIET!! You must never give your name. The great cosmic commanders name you and get displeased if they hear what you name yourself. Before you ask, I have been given permission to use the name the almighty cosmic commanders have bestowed upon me. Remember; never give your name to anyone. If they get displeased, they will ELIMINATE YOU!!"

The girl, who names herself 'Rikku', looked like she was struggling to hide something. "OH!! It can't wait any longer!! ZANARKAND WAS DESTROYED A THOUSAND YEARS AGO!!" She shouted.

"Even I wouldn't fall for that... REALLY!! WHEN? HOW? IF IT IS THAT MAKES ME A THOUSAND YEARS!! I AM OLDER THAN YOU!!"

"You said you didn't believe me."

"I did not!! I am older than you!! Bow down to your master."

"Are you saying you are from Zanarkand?"

"YEAH!! I am star player of the Zanarkand Abes!"

"Yeah right, but anyway... HOLY YEVON!!! SIN IS BEHIND YOU!!" She screamed. Tidus turned around, and there was nothing there. "HA!! FOOLED YOU!!........................WATCH OUT!!! THERE'S SIN!!!" Tidus turned around again, but there was nothing there.

"I won't fall for that again." He insisted.

"Heh..... OH MY FAYTH!! SIN!!" She screamed again. Tidus being the unlucky person turned around and saw nothing.

"THREE TO ME, NOTHING TO YOU!!!........ AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! HELP!!!! MOTHER SHITTING AEON!! SIN IS BEHIND YOU!!" She screamed.

"Yeah right. I ain't looking." Tidus said. Because he is the unlucky one, Sin was right behind him. Everyone started running around and screaming as a huge tidal wave swept on board. "I still ain't looking!" Tidus said while being shoved off the boat. "I am not looking!" He said while floating in the water. Then, everything went black....

Amanda dragon- Sorry for butting in!! This is two chapters for the price of one because I didn't update!!

Tidus awoke suddenly as something hit him on the head. It hurt and he cried. He noticed that he was floating in the water. He got hit again. He lifted his head out of the water. A group of people were waving at him. "Hey!!" He yelled at them, rubbing the tears out of his eyes. He was hit in the face with another blitzball. "I'm ok!!" He yelled. He was hit again and knocked back under water. "I AM OKAY!!!" He screamed. Three blitzballs came flying at him. He grabbed one and kicked it. It went flying and narrowly missed one's strange sticky up hair do. He swam up to them.

"You okay, ya?" The tall one with the mad hair asked.

"Just fine, AFTER BEING HIT BY BLITZBALLS!!!" Tidus screeched.

"You been cryin', ya?"

"No!! I never cry! Anyway, who are you? Do you deserve to be talking to me, the almighty 1000 year old boy named T-" Tidus began.

"Shh!! Me name's Wakka, team captain of the Luca Goers. You must never give your name. The great cosmic commanders-" Wakka began but was interrupted by Tidus.

"I KNOW!! If you are a team captain of the Luka Goufs, why is there a flashy sign over there saying Besaid?" Tidus asked, pointing out a massive sign with 'Besaid' written all over it.

"Uh... What team do you play for, ya?" Wakka asked. Tidus became annoyed at the fact that Wakka ended nearly every sentence with 'ya?'

"I am the star player of the Zanarkand Abes!!" (Amanda dragon- Coughcoughcough!).

"You hungry, ya?" Wakka said, making Tidus want to strangle him.

"Uh... yes?"

"Come with me." Wakka said, Tidus took a deep breath. "ya?" Wakka finished, remembering that he had missed it out. Tidus screamed and ran past the waiting sphere that screamed "SAVE!!" after him. He charged through a foresty part and randomly turned a corner. He ran and ran until he came to the edge of a cliff. He stopped just in time, but knocked a bottle of something over and tipped its insides over the cliff into the water The liquid that was spilled out looked like hair gel. He fixed his hair and picked up the bottle. It said "Hair Loss Potion. Ever wanted to be bald? Ever wanted to have a shiny bald scalp? Look no further!! Use this to make all your hair fall out and leave you with a nice and shiny scalp!! Pour into water, either accidentally knock it off a cliff into water and jump in!! Your hair will be gone in seconds!!"

Tidus dropped the bottle and started to walk back. Wakka came running in. "This is the way to the village, ya?" He said. He was about to jump off the cliff. Tidus started crying. "Now what? Ya?" He asked. Tidus cried and pointed to the water which was green. Wakka shrugged and jumped in. Wakka vanished beneath the surface...

Amanda dragon- Ooooooooooooooooooooooh!! Cliff hanger!! Probably no updates on Thursday, have to practise archery. I might update tomorrow if I don't get any homework. PLEASE REVIEW!! PLEASE? NO FLAMES!!


	4. Wakka's Bad Hair Day

Amanda dragon- I am very sorry for the delay! On Wednesday I was 'busy', on Thursday I had to go away, on Friday, Saturday and Sunday my dad was on the computer all day! No fair! I'll try and update once a week. It has become very hectic here because school has started throwing homework back at me. Anyway, I feel like answering reviews so I will-

Raurenu-Chan- Thank you for reviewing!! Blitzballs are cool!!

Hmmm- Are you saying that it's bad? I know it's frantic but I have a two hour deadline to type one chapter and that is very hard for me to meet. I type slowly... Thank you for reviewing! Call me a dumbass, I am not sure what potential means... I'll look it up in a dictionary!

MeKeBa- Thank you for reviewing!! I can't remember what your new name is... I am glad you find it funny!!! I am not sure if I can make it funnier, but I'll try!

Lexial147- Thank you for reviewing!! I am saying the same thing over and over and over again! Sorry I didn't update on Sunday. You probably won't read this until the middle of this week or something...

YojimbosBlade- Yay! You think it's funnier! I'll try and make it even more by the stupid plot twist I am trying to do. It might not fit in with the rest of the game though...

Takure2004- I didn't listen to the sphere grid and accidentally talked to the man FIVE TIMES!!! It annoyed me... Maybe you could buy Final Fantasy (if you haven't decided yet) and play it until you get enough money for the bike thing? I don't yet know what level you're on!! You're probably miles away from me. I am still on the third time fighting Seymour.

Chapter 3- Wakka's Bad Hair Day

Tidus looked around worriedly. He was about to walk away until he heard Wakka call for him. Tidus took deep breaths and looked over the edge. He didn't know whether he should cry or laugh. Wakka's strange sticky up hair do was sliding down the back of his head and landed in the water with a 'plop'. The rest of his hair fell off. Wakka, luckily for Tidus, hadn't noticed that he was bald and swam away. Tidus grabbed the edge of the cliff and carefully lowered himself down. Hugging the cliff face, he side stepped along the small ledge, ignoring the strange looks given to him by the bald Wakka. He hoped that there weren't any mirrors in the village.

Wakka had given up on waiting for Tidus and swam faster. He swam and swam and swam and got attacked be piranhas! A large shoal of them was swimming towards them. They spotted him and charged at him. "TIDUS! HELP WILL YA?!" He screamed. Tidus didn't hear him because he was listening to his walkman as he was shuffling along the bank. "Uh oh..." Wakka muttered as the piranhas got closer.

Tidus was nearly at the bank he was supposed to get to. He didn't know how he knew that was the place. He jumped onto the bank, turned off his walkman and looked around for Wakka. Wakka wasn't there. Tidus shrugged and walked off, leaving Wakka to be eaten alive by angry piranhas.

Meanwhile, Wakka was swimming away from the piranhas which were fighting over Wakka's pants that were left behind (I like ruining peoples pants!). Wakka climbed out of the water and was about to brush his hair until, his head felt strangely smooth like a baby's bottom. He enjoyed the feel and then realised, that that was his hair. He slapped his head, wondering why there was no hair. He screamed. He picked up a nearby bush and placed it on his bald head. He walked up to the village.

Tidus was walking along a road and whistling. Suddenly, two black creatures lunged out at him. One of them yelled "there are fiends on the road today!" Tidus cried. He curled up into a ball. They both edged away. Tidus rubbed his eyes and continued to merrily trot along the road.

Wakka was stomping down the road until two men started walking towards him. He looked around and spotted a tree with a large hole in its trunk. He stuffed his head through it. The two men walked up to him. "Wakka! What are you doing!?" They asked.

"Collecting squirrels, ya?" Wakka grunted.

"What question are you asking us?" The tall one asked.

"Nothing, ya?"

"What point are you trying to get at with your nakedness?" He replied, noticing Wakka's bare behind.

"Huh, ya?"

"STOP QUESTIONING US!!" He yelled. He kicked Wakka's bare ass and rammed his bald head further up the tree.

"Help, ya?" Wakka asked to no one in particular.

Tidus had finally reached the village. Hooray!! He walked around in circles which made everyone stare at him. He looked at each of the houses in turn, seeing which one looked the most interesting. A blueish house which looked liked it wanted to give him a hug. He walked into it. Two men in bright purple dress walked over and saluted.

"We are the crusaders!" One said.

"What are the crusaders?" Tidus asked.

"We fight Sin!! You have to be pretty thick to not know that."

Tidus cried again.

"OH!! I am sorry!"

Tidus shut up. "What is a Sin?" He asked, forgetting the big hovering monstrosity in Zanarkand.

"Sin is a massive monster that turns whatever it touches into a hat."

"Well... uh... that is... strange... yeah...hmm..."

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"Well... Wakka said Zanarkand was destroyed... so does that mean that ZANARKAND WAS TURNED INTO A HAT!!!?"

"Uh... yes it does..."

"THAT WASN'T IN THE SCRIPT!!! SIN WAS MEANT TO DESTROY ZANARKAND AND KILIKA AND WHAT EVER OTHER PLACE I HAVE MISSED OUT!! NOT TO TURN THEM INTO A BLOODY HAT!!!"

"Well... Zanarkand does make a pretty Mexican hat... Kilika hasn't been destroyed yet!!! Are you a prophet?"

"Yes!! I am the almighty 1000 year old Ti-"

"SHH!! You must never give your name. The great cosmic commanders name you and get displeased if they hear what you name yourself. Before you ask, I have been given permission to use the name the almighty cosmic commanders have bestowed upon me. Remember; never give your name to anyone. If they get displeased, they will ELIMINATE YOU!!"

"Oh yeah. I forgot. Well, I am the almighty 1000 year old man prophet!! I can tell you what will happen in life!!" Several villagers bowed down to the might of Tidus and begun kissing his feet. "I could get used to this..."

Unknown to everyone else, an enraged, bald, naked Wakka was staggering into Besaid village...

Amanda dragon- I know that may have been slightly crap, but the next one shall be about the cloister of trials!! Don't flame!! Please review!!


	5. The Stupid Cloister of Trials

Amanda dragon- Hullo people!! School took up all of my time so I found it hard to heave myself to the computer. I had a bash at an IQ test and my score was 118!!! I can't respond to the reviews because I don't have time because of all the homework I have to do –-; anyways, whoever reviewed THANKYOU!!! And some people put me on their favourites list..... I wonder if it was for this story.... ANYWAYS, I am eating a banana so you can see where the inspiration came from.

Chapter 5- The Stupid Cloister of Trials

Wakka stumbled into the village, with a barrel covering his uh... _things_ and a large bush on his head which looked like a wild, green afro. Several towns people tutted at Wakka and covered their children's eyes. He looked around and saw a massive crowd hustling around one person. He staggered over to the crowd and shoved everyone out the way... well, not really. Everyone moved aside in fear. I know YOU would. So would I...

He stormed over to Tidus who was wearing expensive jewellery, a huge crown and posh platform shoes. Everyone was kissing the hem of his robes. Wakka growled and grabbed his ear. Everyone gasped and stepped back. Several guards appeared. Wakka searched frantically for something of use. He then spotted a banana sticking out of a lady's shopping bag. He grabbed it and held it up to Tidus' head, using him as a hostage.

"DON'T MOVE OR THE BOY GETS IT, YA?!!!" Wakka screamed, long gone past the realm of sanity and deep into insanity. Tidus started crying like a new born baby. Wakka dragged him over to the temple and walked inside. The priests and other people that happened to be there froze at the sight of a hostage with a banana pointing at his head. Tidus was still crying about the fact that the banana would ruin his beautiful hairstyle and go all over his wonderful robes. Tidus cried even louder.

"Pray before you go and see lady Yuna with your new friend. You too banana boy." A man with a funny robe on said. Wakka then done a lot of back flips and cartwheels, with the barrel often showing Wakka's unpleasant parts which I won't even bother to describe. Tidus looked at him with confusion and performed the blitzball sign for victory. "OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!! YOU DARE TO ANGER YEVON!! SHAME TO YOU!!!" The priest roared. Tidus screamed and ran up stairs into a room. Wakka ran after him. Then there was a big glyph thing in front of him. Wakka looked amused and sat down on the floor.

"I'll let you do the cloister of trials because I cannot be bothered to strain my incredibly smart brain, ya?" Wakka sneered. Tidus sighed and bent over to fasten the laces of his tall platforms. As he bent over, his bum knocked the glyph and a large image of a hotdog appeared on a wall near him. Tidus looked up and started drooling before the massive hot dog of all hot dogs. He longingly reached out and stroked it. The hotdog vanished. Tidus cried as the wall moved upwards. He took one step backwards and tripped and fell down the stairs. He could hear Wakka's outburst of laughter. He growled and walked forewords. A small shiny orb was sitting in a pedestal.

"OOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooohh. SHINY MARBLE!!" Tidus yelled and skipped over to it. The pedestal talked to him.

"A purple orb is a destruction sphere. You can only carry ONE of them. A blue orb is a Besaid sphere. You can only carry ONE of them. Do I make myself clear? One and only one orb can be carried. Not two, not three, not seventy five but ONE! Also a glyph sphere is green and ... surprise surprise... you can only carry ONE AND ONLY ONE!!! YES YOU FREAK!! ONE ORB!! NOT ONE ORB PER HAND!! ONE ORB PER PERSON!! Get it? One orb, that's it. Read my dusty, rocky lips, no more than one orb." It explained.

"Yeah I get it. One orb. I am not that dumb..." Tidus replied. He grabbed the orb and stuffed it into the door. The door creaked open and he walked through into a narrow corridor. He snatched the orb back and headed down the corridor. He walked all the way down and came to a dead end. He roared in frustration and punched the wall... well... slapped it. The glyphs on the wall vanished and he heard a rumble. He shrugged and headed back up. He looked around and spotted a vanishing wall. He looked shocked like a cheated monkey and walked inside. There were purple shiny thing on the wall and an orb. He remembered the pedestal's warning. He shook his head and grabbed the orb. DUN DUN DUN!! HE HAD TWO ORBS!! There was a loud roar. Tidus burst into tears and fled the room. Wakka was walking down the corridor and then he had a looked of horror on his face as he saw Tidus' two orbs.

"QUICK!! PUT IT IN THAT!!" He snapped pointing at a pedestal. Tidus chucked it and it magically landed on it. The wall vanished. He stumbled because Wakka stuck his foot out and fell into the pedestal. It went skidding away and vanished. "Uh... Now what?" Wakka asked. Tidus shrugged and walked up to a shiny switch and stomped on it. A lift appeared.

Amanda dragon- Sorry I have to go so early. I have history and maths homework!!! Gotta go!! Please review!! Reviews are nice!!


	6. The Meeting of the Almighty Yuna

Amanda dragon- I am very sorry for the wait. Please forgive me!! School is chucking lots of homework at me and then the internet broke down and then we got it fixed and then my email broke. I got lost on Mount Gagazet and spent days trying to find Seymour again, and found that I was back at the beginning. Then I caught the flu. That is my luck.

Bob- HA!

Amanda dragon- Why do people have random conversations with imaginary people?

Bob- I am not imaginary!

Chapter 6- The Meeting of the Almighty Yuna

Wakka walked onto the lift, still looking scary with the massive bush on his head. Tidus sheepishly followed and stepped onto the lift. It suddenly jerked upwards, nearly knocking poor Tidus off it. He cried as he clung onto Wakka in fear. Wakka was disgusted and pulled a long stick out of his substitute hair and prodded Tidus away.

Tidus sniffled and pulled puppy dog eyes as the lift stopped. Wakka walked in the door in front of them. Tidus followed and gave death glares to everyone in the room.

"We shall wait for lady Yuna, ya?" Wakka said. Tidus vowed to pull that bush off his head and burn it if he said 'ya' again in his presence. He began to examine everyone in the room. One of them was a large blue lion thing. Tidus, being really dumb and all, thought it was a kitty for some strange, obscure reason that shall only be known to him. He skipped over to it and hugged it. The 'kitty' punched him in the face and walked over to a lady. Tidus cried again, but ceased as he caught sight of the lady, love at first sight as I call it. She had big.... Things and Tidus's first reaction was that she had stuffed melons down her top. He rudely stared at her melons and then was slapped, with such strength, that she went sailing across the room.

"I forgot to tell you, she has a short fuse, ya?" Wakka sneered. Tidus cracked. He screamed like a rabid ape and leapt on top of Wakka, trying to rip his head from his body. Unfortunately, Tidus didn't have the strength to decapitate him, she he went for simpler, more deadlier things, like, holding him in a foot lock and tickling his feet. As he did so, the stench overpowered him so he sat in the darkest corner of the room and hissed at anyone who looked at him.

An eternity later, a lady staggered into the room, clutching a staff. "I... have become... a summoner..." she said as she fell face first onto the floor.

"THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!!" The stage manager roared, slapping Auron with a handful of sheets.

"I am not the stage manager!! You are!!!" Auron screamed. The stage manager looked at the badge on his shirt and it said "STAGE MANAGER".

"I see..." he growled. He was bored about the fact that Kimahari (is that how you spell it?) Wasn't paying any attention and didn't catch Yuna.

"Can't we just skip to the part when Tidus cries about Yuna dying and all?" Auron impatiently questioned.

"We'll get to that part when it comes... _if_ it comes. How do we know if Tidus will fall in love? He's already in love with Lulu! Maybe we can kill off her and...." The stage manager said, engrossed in thought about the fate of Lulu.

"We can also..." Auron began, and whispered it into the stage manager's ear. The plan was perfect! Nothing was perfecter! So perfect was this plan, that the stage manager claimed the plan as his own and dismissed Auron. He began to laugh evilly. (Amanda dragon- All together now!! 1...2...3... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! XD)

No one bothered to help Yuna up. Even though they were her guardians, they didn't raise a finger.

"NO MORTY DON'T DO IT!!" Tidus screamed, while reading his nook called 'Stuff' by Bob Tommy (also known as the dreaded stage manager). Everyone gave him strange looks. Tidus didn't notice a thing so he continued to read and shout out random things.

Eventually, Yuna got up and wiped the sweat from her forehead. Everyone else had set up a campfire in the middle of the room. She snarled and stomped up to them. She grabbed the book out of Tidus' hand and chucked it into the fire. Tidus, as we all know, cries when anything happens to him. I'll leave a space for you to put in the right word. You all know what it is! Tidus (insert word here) his eyes out and grabbed the book out of the fire, which, fortunately for him, was fireproof. He shut up and continued reading it. "WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME UP THERE!!? I COULD HAVE DIED AND YOU GUYS WOULDN'T HAVE NOTICED!!" Yuna screamed.

"Hullo!! Who are you?" Tidus asked, not looking away from his book.

"You don't know who I am!!? I am YUNA!! SUPREME SUMMONER OF SPIRA!!" Yuna bellowed.

"That's nice Yone, I am-" Tidus started to say but was interrupted by

"SHADDAP!! You got my name wrong!! You must never give your name. The great cosmic commanders name you and get displeased if they hear what you name yourself. Before you ask, I have been given permission to use the name the almighty cosmic commanders have bestowed upon me. Remember; never give your name to anyone. If they get displeased, they will ELIMINATE YOU!!" Yuna screamed.

"That's nice." Tidus said.

"Anyways, lets all go outside so I can show off my amazing abilities." She said. There was a groan of approval and they walked out of the door.

As if by magic, they suddenly appeared outside and were greeted by a mob of villagers. As the others sat down to watch the magic show, Yuna started break dancing at the village centre. Before anyone could ask, a huge bird swooped down; causing the villagers to think there was an alien invasion. People screamed and houses were burnt down. Yuna blushed and dismissed Valefor. She didn't like the name. It didn't have the magical touch. She enquired her happy chappy guardians and they all stood up, shouting out names.

Amanda dragon- Hello!! I truly doubt that you will have to wait that long for one of my silly chapters. I was busy. Anyways, please read and review and stuff!!


	7. Tidus's 'Scary' Dream

Amanda dragon- Sorry this hasn't been updated for ages!! My internet server broke down so I couldn't do anything except wait!! I am now just outside Zanarkand in my file!! YAY!!

Harkat2004- Thank you for reviewing every single one of my chapters!! You're so generous!! And don't forget, I know who you are!

Lexial147- You did not waste your time on that boy with the dragon book!! That was the boy's fault! Have you read that book 'Stuff' by Bob Tommy? I am using your 'Yuna with delicate ears' thing!! It is so funny!

Takura2004- People- ALIEN INVASION!!! Thank you for reviewing!! And of course I will continue!! I've got the rest of the game to do...

A big thank you to anyone else whose name I could not remember!!

Chapter 7- Tidus's 'Scary' Dream

"NAME IT JOE, YA?!!" Wakka screamed.

"NO!! NAME IT BOB!!" Tidus screamed.

"NAME IT LULU THE SECOND!!" Lulu screeched.

"SHUSH!! ALL THIS NOISE IS HURTING MY DELICATE EARS!!" Yuna roared that loud that trees were knocked over and houses were blown away. Everybody stood in silence.

"Good, talk quietly so my ever so fragile ears won't blow up." She whispered.

"Is the party over yet? I want to go to sleep..." Tidus moaned.

"Yuna, since I am the smart one, why have you changed personalities? I am, like, so smart to pick this out!" Lulu sneered.

"I have changed personalities?! I have always acted like this!" Yuna yelped. Everyone shrugged. Most of the townspeople had fled the island because of the 'alien invasion', which only left the happy chappies on the island.

"I'm going to bed." Tidus groaned. With that, he walked up to a deformed house with a blue cloth over it and went inside. He lay on the bed and went to sleep...

"Tidus is a lazy boy, ya?" Wakka said.

"Your ability to state the obvious never seizes to amaze me." Lulu said while setting a few plants on fire.

"CRUELTY TO PLANTS!!" Yuna yelled.

"Your supposed to have delicate ears, ya?" Wakka snapped.

"I am? Oh... hush people. My delicate ears are hurting..." She whispered.

"I suggest that we all go to bed as the author is bribing me with chocolate to say that." Lulu said, snatching the chocolate out of Amanda's (me!) hands.

"We have nothing better to do, ya?" Wakka coughed. Everyone grimly agreed and crept into the deformed house. After they had eventually lain in bed, they went to sleep... all except Yuna.

"MY EARS!! ALL THIS SNORING IS TURNING MY DELICATE EARS INTO MUSH!!" She screamed in torment.

Unfortunately, everyone else there were heavy sleepers and they did not hear Yuna's pathetic whining.

Tidus was having a dream... a scary dream. A dream about him standing on a harbour place... Scary isn't it? He was walking around until he came to a beach. Yuna was standing there, looking at him. Tidus walked up to her.

"Keep quiet, my delicate ears say so." She snapped.

"Uhh... ok?" he whispered.

"WHAT!!? I DIDN'T HEAR YOU!!?" Yuna yelled.

"_And you're talking about me keeping quiet..._" Tidus thought.

"I am going to Zanarkand with you!!" She said.

"Oh no you're not!" Tidus gulped, on the verge of tears.

"HEY!!" Someone yelled. It was Rikku. "You said you were going to Zanarkand with me!!"

"N-n-no I d-didn't!" Tidus stammered, tears streaming down his face.

"You said you were going with me!!" Yuna yelled, forgetting all about her 'delicate ears'.

"He is going with me you hag!" Rikku shouted.

"He's going with me and that's that you freak!" Yuna roared.

"Who would want to go with a witch like you?!"

"I don't see why he would want to go with a monster like you!"

"Ladies!" Someone butted in. Unluckily for Tidus, it was Jecht! "There is no reason for you to fight!"

Tidus sobbed away, waterfall of tears cascading down his face.

"Hey look!! Tidus is crying like a baby, which he is!!" Jecht sneered.

"I AM NOT CRYING!!" Tidus cried, while... er... crying.

"You are!" Rikku laughed.

"Tidus is a cry-baby!! Tidus is a cry-baby!! Tidus is a cry-baby!! Tidus is a cry-baby!! Tidus is a cry-baby!!" Jecht chanted.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Tidus screamed while everything went swirly.

Tidus jumped up, wide awake, bathed in a pool of sweat. He heard two people talking quietly. He slipped over to the door, which was made of cloth. He opened it slightly and saw Wakka and Lulu talking. Confident that they would not see him, Tidus stepped outside and sat in front of them, eating popcorn.

"Why is this little twerp sitting in front of us?" Lulu asked.

"He thinks we can't see him, ya?" Wakka whispered.

"I think we should just continue our conversation." Lulu said.

"Poor Chappu! He was so young, so innocent... Did you know that Tidus is from Zanarkand? Maybe Chappu was sent to Zanarkand, ya?"

"NO! Chappu wouldn't! He was eaten by Sin you fool!"

"Maybe he's alive, ya?"

"NO!! Chappu is a hat and shall always be a hat!!" Lulu yelled, throwing a baseball cap at him.

"Poor Chappu, ya?" Wakka said, stroking the hat.

Tidus sat up, thinking that the show was boring. He booed and chucked the empty popcorn packet at Wakka. Wakka shrugged and walked off.

Tidus then went into the deformed house and slept like the restless dead.

Amanda dragon- How do you like it? A bit scary huh? Anyways, please review! I don't think I'll be able to do a Halloween special (its Halloween hear, so I may as well celebrate it in fan fictions!). Review please? Thank you for reading!


	8. When Stage Managers Go Insane

Amanda dragon- WHOA!! I typed that one little chapter… and got a barrel full of reviews!!!! YAY!! I am so happy!! I may as well say thanks!! I am so sorry that this has taken me ages! At first the original wasn't funny and on the next copy I missed out the important part and then…. mindless excuses carry on

Harkat2004- The next chappie is now!! MWAHAHAHA! You have sun; we have rain… every day… THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING!!

Tamelia- I am so glad that you find it funny! Thank you for reviewing!

?- I am also glad you find it funny! I may write a FFX-2 one when I get the game, only if I can beat that evil sanctuary platformy monster… THANKS FOR REVIEWING!!

Da KeR MysTeRr- Everyone is finding this story funny!! THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING!!

Lexial147- Yes!! Do you want to buy melty ears Yuna? It was your idea Billy, I praise you. Praise be to Yevon! I may have a sleepover soon!! And yet again, thank you for reviewing! I may have a sleepover shortly…

Takura2004- everyone says this is funny! And I typed the last chapter when I wasn't high on sugar… Thanks for reviewing!!

YojimbosBlade- Of course I'll keep going! I can't stop now! I am too far into it!! Anyways, thank you for reviewing!!

Chapter 8- When Stage Managers Go Insane

Tidus groaned and rubbed his eyes. As his vision focused, he caught sight of a hideous monstrosity standing over him.

"Wakey wakey Tidus!!" Yuna yelled jumping on him. Tidus screamed like a pansy and ran out of the deformed house that I recon was built by a group of chimpanzees.

"Yuna's found the hidden supply of sugar, ya?" Wakka groaned.

"You always state the obvious Wakka, so shut up." Lulu growled.

"Well at least I don't carry dollies around, ya?" Wakka snapped.

"Well at least I have hair!" Lulu screeched and slapped Wakka.

Meanwhile, Yuna was chasing poor Tidus around the village centre. "I am coming to Zanarkand!! I am coming to Zanarkand!" She sang.

"NO YOU ARE NOT!!" Tidus cried, running to the ferry.

"HEY YOU STUPID BOY!! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO STAY WITH THE GROUP!!" The stage manager roared at Tidus who was now boarding the ferry. Unfortunately, Tidus didn't hear the stage manager and went inside the boat, to be chased around by some ladies.

"Calm down, it will just make it funnier to watch the others try to fight without him." Auron said, while reading the script.

"One thing makes me mad! That one thing is when my actors don't have a copy of the script!!" The stage manager yelled, massaging his temples.

"They aren't your actors… they aren't actors at all."

"SHUT UP!!! I DON'T CARE WHAT IS GOING ON OR NOT!! I AM GOING DOWN THERE TO BEAT THEM ALL UP WITH MY MIGHTY VALEFOR!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" The stage manager screamed, partially insane.

"You are not following the script…" Auron said, reading over the script.

"I AM THE STAGE MANAGER!! I RULE ALL!! MWAHAHAHA!!" The stage manager screamed, flying away on his Valefor. Auron sweat dropped and made his way to Luca.

Back to Yuna…

Yuna felt deprived. Tidus ran away. Maybe to get some flowers for me! Yuna thought. She happily danced up to Wakka, who ignored her. Yuna frowned and casted her most deadly spell, the deadliest spell of all. She casted……….. CURE!!! (Thunder clashes!!)

"Thankya Lady Yuna. I had a small splinter, ya?" he grunted.

Suddenly, Tidus appeared out of nowhere, shaking in fear. "What happened to you, ya?" Wakka asked.

"I got onto the boat and there were all these ladies and they wanted to hug me and said that I was cute and then they stole my necklace!! It was horrible!! My fickle baby necklace, stole by them… them FIENDS!!" Tidus spat, before bursting into tears. Funnily enough, no one was listening and they were walking to the ferry.

10 minutes and 27 and a half seconds later…

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Tidus continuously chanted, driving everyone crazy. All

Except Yuna who was pulling petals off a daisy, saying "he loves me, he loves me not."

Suddenly, the mad stage manager zoomed in on his Valefor!! (dun dun!!)

"You… you actors!! YOU AREN'T FOLLOWING THE SCRIPT!!"

"Are we actors?" Tidus asked.

"Yes!" The stage manager snapped.

"YIPEE!! I'M GOING TO HOLLYWOOD!! I'M FAMOUS!!" Tidus screamed.

"Is he feeling ok, ya?" Wakka asked Lulu. Lulu shrugged.

"But first, I AM GOING TO BEAT YOU ALL UP!! MWAHAHAHA!!" The stage manager screamed.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!!" Yuna screamed, making the glass shatter.

The stage manager summoned Valefor, and it ate Yuna.

"THAT'S NOT IN THE GAME!!" Auron roared.

"THIS IS A GAME?!!" Everyone yelled in unison.

"IT'S A MOVIE!!" the stage manager roared.

Wakka drew out a big blue sword, and thumped Valefor over the head, knocking it out.

"YOU FOOL! GIVE THAT SWORD TO TIDUS!" The stage manager screamed.

"No. It's mine, ya?" Wakka spat.

"I want a weapon!!" Tidus wailed while crying his eyes out.

"Stage manager dude. You're not following the script." Auron grunted.

"NOOO!" He cried before vanishing in a puff of smoke. Auron remembered that he had to attend an opera in Luca, and walked away.

"I am glad that's over with." Lulu groaned.

"Ya." Wakka said.

"Can we go to the ferry now? I am starting to think that we have missed it." Lulu stated.

Unfortunately, no one was listening and they all were trying to wrestle Yuna off Tidus.

Amanda dragon- Will they ever reach the ferry? Will it actually be there?

Find out in the next chapter.

Bob- that sucked.

Amanda- Glares at Bob Please read and review!


	9. The Ferry Finally Arrives!

Amanda- Sorry this is taking soooo long!! I can't get on the computer!! Life is too busy! I also had to delete it and rewrite it because my computer duffed it up!! How unfair…

Chapter 9- The Ferry Finally Arrives!

Lulu gave death glares to everyone that came near her. They had missed the ferry, but no one really cared. A random villager happened to innocently walk past. "YOU!!" Lulu roared. The villager froze with fear.

"WHEN IS THE NEXT FERRY?!" She snarled.

"Tomorrow, though the captain did mention something about being attacked by Sin and-" the villager started but was rudely interrupted by the stage manager appearing out of nowhere and pushing him in the water, before vanishing.

"No ferry until tomorrow, ya?" Wakka said.

The next day…

Everybody was standing glumly at the harbour, low on caffeine (a/n Gasp!) and in very bad mood, all except Yuna who was annoying Tidus with love poems.

"I love you,

Because I love you!" She recited.

"That's not a poem. It doesn't rhyme. I don't like it." Tidus growled, dreaming of a caffeine high drink.

"Thank you! That's so sweet!" Yuna said. The ferry then arrived! Hurrah! It sailed into the harbour! Yipee! It then sailed away…

"Have we just missed the ferry again!?" Lulu yelled.

"It seems so, ya." Wakka sighed. The author then made the boat turn around and come back, to save the hassle of waiting for another ferry destined to be attacked by Sin, and one of Yuna's dreadful poems. They clambered on the boat.

"I don't like boats…" Tidus moaned.

"Tickets!!" A man in a strange robe thing shouted. "Do we need tickets?" Tidus asked Kimhari. (a/n is that how you spell it?) The big cat, liony thing gave him the silent treatment.

"I don't think we have bought any tickets, ya." Wakka said.

"If you don't have any tickets you are not coming onto the boat." The man snapped.

"DO YOU DARE STOP ME AND MY HUNNY HUN FROM GOING ON THIS BOAT!!!?" Yuna roared. "YOU SHALL FEEL ONLY PAIN!!! A TERRIBLE TERRIBLE PAIN!! A CENTURY SPENT WITHERING IN AGONY!!! FACE THE ULTIMATE ATTACK- CURE!!!" Yuna roared casting her 'deadly' spell- cure.

"Look girl. You are not going to get on this boat by healing me. You must-" The ticket man began, but was rudely pushed into the water by the stage manager, who obviously wanted them to get eaten by Sin.

They were now on the boat. The boat started sailing. It was a pretty boat. There were lots of people on the boat. And an insane captain who was steering the boat. Did you know that you can sail boats? Boats float! (a/n I put 'boat' in every sentence!! MWAHAHAHAHABOATHAHAHAHAH!!)

"By the way, where does this boat go?" Tidus asked.

"I don't know. It was in the script." Lulu said.

"Dood, ya!" Wakka said for no apparent reason.

"I'm going to ask the captain…" Tidus said, walking off in any random direction.

"I'm coming with you Tiddy-kins!" Yuna screeched. They walked along the boat. The wooden flooring moaned as they walked across it. They quickly reached the captain's headquarters. They creaked open the door. A thin streak of light penetrated the darkness that occupied the room. Dust shone in the light, fascinating Tidus (a/n and me!). He saw a figure bent over something. It slowly turned around and…….

….

….

….

I like suspense….

Suspense is funny!

Like cheese!

….

….

It's not very suspenseful isn't it?

Maybe I should just get back to the story…

Yeah…

It slowly turned around and…………… TURNED ON THE LIGHT!!! (A/n GASP!!!!) Tidus cried like a two year old as he clutched his now sore eyes that had adjusted to the darkness. Yuna didn't notice. The thing didn't look like a shadow anymore. It now was a human, or at least resembled one. It wore a massive long cloak. It also had a big bushy beard that covered most if it's face. It had a wooden leg.

"Aargh!! The stage aargh manager hired me to aargh sail this ship! Aargh! So now I am aargh sailing this ship! Aargh!" The pirate person aarghed.

Tidus and Yuna backed away and pretended they didn't see anything. They walked onto the deck and noticed that everyone was running around and screaming.

Tidus, who was now crying again, grabbed a passing man. "What is happening!?" He asked.

"SIN!! I was just like standing there and Sin just, like, swam over and growled, and we just like, wet ourselves and ran away." He said. He then continued to run around like a headless chicken.

Then he saw Sin. It was miles away in the distance. You could hardly see it. You couldn't even tell if it was Sin or not. A lady with binoculars was standing beside him. He grabbed them and tried to focus on it. The Lulu passed. Tidus forgot about everything and zoomed in on the most private of places on her body. He didn't notice Lulu growl at him and raise her fist.

BIFFF!!!! BANG!! CRASH!!! KABOOM!!

Amanda dragon- The end of anther stupid chapter…. SUGAR GOOD SUGAR VERY GOOD!!!! Please Read and Review!! Pretty please?


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